missing

for some mad reason I've stopped loving someone. I dunno why, it just happened. I saw a picture and realised he hadn't listened to anything I ever said to him. Something tells me he's sick too. Very sick. Hope I'm wrong. And worse- been thinking of Nick and missing him and wish he'd understand it was real for me,the whole thing and looks like nothing changes for him and he's been on holiday in spain playing golf and he's just a bloke. I know if he loved himself a bit, we would have really hit it off- I think. There's nobody for me. I might have a ding dong but nothing heavy anymore. Had enough emotional bollocks. Gonna help others, do me work and fuck the rest. Or not. Got me some stuff to focus on. Got heavy bastard stuff going on but that won;t go.
gonna try me best to sort it all. Meanwhile I'm tired. Hoping to have myself fixed a little by mid week and off on a wee trek to see how it goes. I dunno how I talk myself into my fantasy world. Gonna spend more time out. If I can. Miss stuff.